Saturday, October 18, 2008

Potty Problems, The Sequel

[Read Potty Problems first.]

Y’all (or most of y’all) will be happy (or mostly happy) to know that I’m still alive (or mostly alive) after yesterday’s procedure. This should be good news to Kim Ayres, who won’t have to bother sending me one of his “I’m sorry you’re dead” greeting cards.

I am also proud to announce that I did not utter even one blood-curdling scream during the hour I was abed in Doctor Potty’s little chamber of horrors.

“You have a high tolerance for pain,” the assistant said.

Yes, yes I do,” I concurred. “I’ve survived 11 years of Catholic school, 3 years in the Army, 7 years in college, and 35 years of marriage. I know all there is to know about pain.”

No I don’t. I’ve never had to birth a bowling ball through a golf ball-size opening. I’ve never been tortured by any entity of the U.S. Government (yet). Most of all, I have no form of excruciatingly painful cancer, the kind of pain that never stops.

So overall, I’m in pretty good shape piddle-wise. There isn’t any change in my symptoms yet because everything down there is swollen and needs to heal, but by Inauguration Day I should be ready for a good old-fashioned pissing-for-distance contest . . .


Kim Ayres said...

Do you think one of those magnetic straps I didn't review on my blog might help? I could forward you the details

Charlie said...

KIM: Thanks, but no thanks. I'm not touching anything down there for the next six months . . .

Attila The Mom said...

I was reading an article about a guy who had some kind of prostrate procedure and got his butt stapled shut by accident.

The docs kept saying, "It's just swelling!" For 17 days.

Think he was full of it?

Glad to hear it went somewhat smoothly.


kim said...

Yea the whole birth thing is way up on the list of pain endurance ... glad you didnt have to go that far :)


Mary Witzl said...

I've done the birth thing and all I had was a wash cloth in lieu of a leather strap to chew on, but I have to tell you I have a low pain threshold. I yelled the house down and was told frequently that I was letting the side down carrying on like that.

Glad I didn't have to have whatever you had, though, and too bad you did -- but good for you.

Koolio said...

You say everything is swollen down there like it's a bad thing. *wink*