Saturday, June 20, 2009

Britney & Paris Einstein

Thanks to my old friend Kevin Charnas, I finally have the latest news (about ten days old) on Carrie Prejean—who, until about an hour ago, I'd never heard of before. It appears that the Grande & Exalted High Mucky-Muck of the Miss America Pageant pulled Miss Prejean's crown as Miss California for conduct unbecoming to a Miss. (A gay-bashing statement made during a public interview.)

If that wasn't bad enough, the Donald also yanked the Miss Universe crown straight out of her brown roots for conduct unbecoming to a Universe. (Something to do with naughty pictures.)

In all fairness to the twice-deposed Miss, I'll allow her to speak for herself. (The photo and quote are from Kevin, and I have no idea who "Matt" is.)

"Matt... There may or may not be pictures of my bare vulva out there...How can I say? I mean...Can I control a photographer that may or may not have put a stealth camera in a toilet somewhere that I didn't know about while I was going wee-wee? How can one be sure? I mean, look...All I know is that women sit down to wee-wee and men stand up to pee-pee. That's all I know."

[Stunned silence from the audience]

I never thought that I'd say this in a million years, but Carrie Prejean makes Britney and Paris actually sound intelligent, like the Einstein sisters giving a paper at MIT detailing what's on the far side of a black hole.

A stealth bare vulva camera in the toilet. Givemeafuckingbreak.


Kim Ayres said...

On the far side of a black hole is clearly a stealth camera...

savannah said...

why, sugar? just why? there's a part of me that just wishes it would all go away! and no, i'm sorry, these "pagents" are not about pretty girls who happen to be smart and wanting to win scholarships - they are celebrations of the superficial and transitory.

but i swear, sugar, this is priceless:
...Britney and Paris actually sound intelligent, like the Einstein sisters giving a paper at MIT detailing what's on the far side of a black hole.

Wandering Coyote said...


Barbara Bruederlin said...

I am going to check the toilets in our house right now. There's no way I'm getting kicked out of any beauty pageants.

Meg said...

You think that one's stupid, check out this one...

Mary Witzl said...

Wow. Woooooow. Hidden cameras? Catch me ever again having tons of coffee when I'm out in public! e(Had to double check that last word to make sure I hadn't forgotten the L)

Charlie said...

KIM: I'll have to consult Paris on that, but I think you're right: there's lots of bare Paris vulva around too.

SAVANNAH: Yeah, scholarships back to her potty training days.

WC: Very concise and meaningful.

BARBARA: That's the spirit! You check out all the potties for camera crews and you're bound to win a pageant.

MEG: I'm going to try a post on that one--thanks for the lead.

MARY: Uh, er, uh, no comment.