Thanks to my old friend Kevin Charnas, I finally have the latest news (about ten days old) on Carrie Prejean—who, until about an hour ago, I'd never heard of before. It appears that the Grande & Exalted High Mucky-Muck of the Miss America Pageant pulled Miss Prejean's crown as Miss California for conduct unbecoming to a Miss. (A gay-bashing statement made during a public interview.)
If that wasn't bad enough, the Donald also yanked the Miss Universe crown straight out of her brown roots for conduct unbecoming to a Universe. (Something to do with naughty pictures.)
In all fairness to the twice-deposed Miss, I'll allow her to speak for herself. (The photo and quote are from Kevin, and I have no idea who "Matt" is.)
"Matt... There may or may not be pictures of my bare vulva out there...How can I say? I mean...Can I control a photographer that may or may not have put a stealth camera in a toilet somewhere that I didn't know about while I was going wee-wee? How can one be sure? I mean, look...All I know is that women sit down to wee-wee and men stand up to pee-pee. That's all I know."
[Stunned silence from the audience]
I never thought that I'd say this in a million years, but Carrie Prejean makes Britney and Paris actually sound intelligent, like the Einstein sisters giving a paper at MIT detailing what's on the far side of a black hole.
A stealth bare vulva camera in the toilet. Givemeafuckingbreak.