I am a man of few artistic talents, and writing poetry isn't one of the few. Hell, I can't even stand to read poetry, most of which puts me to sleep within five to eight seconds. I used to embarrass the hell out of me in school during poetry class: either I snored too loud, or I woke everyone else up when my bony head hit my wood desktop with a loud Thwack!Over the years, however, I’ve tried to lengthen some of my artistic shortcomings. I’ve crayoned, juggled two items at the same time, and yes, written poetry with a real fountain pen (pain in the ass, real fountain pens are). For want of anything better to do today, I've decided to share my poems with all of you, my bloggly friends. One caveat: if you're looking for lovey-dovey, warm-and-fuzzy swill, you won't find it here. That stuff makes me puke.
Blooze
Rooty tooty
Fresh and fruity
Dogs out back
Doin’ their duty
Like a clown
I stepped in brown
Toe jam ooze
Got the dog dirt blooze
Spuds
Mister Potato Head
Crawled into my bed
He bit my toes
I punched his nose
He kicked my thighs
I poked his eyes
We wrestled to the floor
I hit my head on the goddam door
And I lay there all night long
Erotica
Itty and bitty
Left and right titty
[Yes, Kim, you've read these before.]
9 comments:
Ah...um...Thanks...I think...
I like your poems a lot. And this is coming from a real poet. I was published in my high school and university's literary art's magizines. Now I just have to get of my fat ass and publish them for real. Anyway, I am saying you have REAL potiential. Keep writing. I want to hear more.
Always,
LA
WC: I think you're jellus.
LA: I think you have good taste.
Just wait, you two, until I give you a dose of my haiku (oh dear).
I silenced my family with my loud hoots. And then I couldn't tell them why I was laughing. And I blame you.
:)
(My favorite is "Erotica." By far.)
Wow. You're definitely a master poet. Joe made me write a haiku one day "to get me in the creative mood". Your poems are far better.
Poet laureatism for you, my man! Immediately!
These are great!
Are you by chance a fan of Loudon Wainwright III? If you're not, you should be!
They get better with time :)
A MASS RESPONSE: I've put off responding to these comments because I'm baffled. Some of you sound serious about my "poems" being good, but they were all written with humor in mind—and I hope that's how you've taken them. My bullshit-o-meter must be on the fritz . . .
And Mel, at least you didn't wet your pants.
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