Thursday, June 11, 2009

Somewhere in Time

I was down for my usual afternoon nap, but sleep did not come, not even a doze, not even one of those narcoleptic-like stupors that always happen to me in church, during important political speeches, and whenever I’m supposed to be listening to someone. You know what I mean. Your eyes glaze over and your eyelids get as heavy as bowling balls, there’s just no way you can keep them open, your head starts to fall forward, and then you suddenly JERK awake, nearly breaking your neck off at the root, only to do it all over again three seconds later: Your eyes glaze over and your eyelids get as heavy as bowling balls . . .

Sleepless after ten minutes, I sat up and looked at the clock. It said 3 p.m. I’d lain down at noon. Three hours, GONE. “Stupid fucking clock!” I told it, setting off to find one that works.

The clock on the living room wall is useless because Martha refuses to put a new battery in it. The digital display on the microwave is on the fritz, and the clock on the coffee maker has a mind of its own. I don’t have an atomic clock because I’m afraid the fucker’ll go off and blow up the neighborhood. And my watch is, well . . . somewhere. NOTE TO ME: Keep a watch out for my watch.

I was going to call someone and ask the time, but then I remembered that my phone is with my watch. NOTE TO ME: While keeping a watch out for my watch, watch out for my phone because it may be with my watch.

Finally, I turned on the computer and there it was, the time on the screen: 3:02 PM, it read. But, but, but that was impossible! I was only down for my nap for ten minutes before I got up—how in The Great Scheme of Stuff could three hours have passed me by? Unless . . .

. . . Unless I really was asleep, dreaming that I was awake. But that’s stupid. Who the hell dreams of lying there awake when they’re asleep—or worse, dreams of being asleep while lying there awake? Could it be that I was awake dreaming that I was asleep dreaming that I was awake? Or was I never awake in the first place? Am I always asleep then, waking only to bitch about not sleeping? Or have I never slept a wink in my life and only dream that I do?

Sometimes there are times, nay, a lot of times, when time either gets away from me, or I cannot find time because I oftentimes misplace it, or I live in my own private time warp where time unexpectedly shifts so that my timing is mistimed, but most of the time I believe that time was never there in the first place and that our man-made time is just a cruel trick because, if time was real and if time was kind, then why, time after time, do I remember bad times while the good times are somewhere in . . . time?


Wandering Coyote said...

Hmmmmm...that's quite the bunch of questions you pose...Very philosophical...Very complex...

I have no answers for you. I will say, however, that I often wonder if that nap I took yesterday was really a nap, or if time just suddenly started moving faster while I was lying down. Usually the drool on my pillow gives me my answer, though.

Stinkypaw said...

I've had this feeling as well, thinking I coudn't sleep when I fact time went by (but I'm not saying I did sleep 'cause it sure didn't feel like I had!)

It's either one of "those" times or you need to lower the dosage of some of your meds! ;-)

Kim Ayres said...

I'm sure I remember some book, film or episode of Star Trek or something, where people when back in time and took slices out of their lives when they wouldn't have noticed it, to tack on to the end of their lives to extend them.

Meanwhile, most mobile phones have a clock on them, and if you can't find it, you can always ring it from the house phone and follow the noise.

And yes, I have had to do this on more than one occasion.

Meg said...

Reminds me of a passage I just read from Girl, Interrupted. The crazy girl went to the dentist and they knocked her out to extract a tooth. When she woke up she was upset because no one could tell her how long it had taken. She hated losing time and had to keep track of every minute lost.

I always have those dreams where it's the next day and I've finished everything I had to do only to wake up and realize I had to do it all over again. Those are the worst.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I used to get that head-snapping narcolepsy sitting through meetings ALL THE TIME. I am so glad I don't have to go to meetings anymore. Now I just wonder where the hell the time went when I got absolutely nothing done. I think it was the time thief who lives in my computer.

Charlie said...

WC: That's it! That's the answer! A drool-o-meter!

SP: You're right about the meds. I'm one of those people who takes a med to control the other meds.

I also take one from the dogs' vet: it prevents me from peeing on people, but it shifts me into animal time warp.

KIM: Are you saying I could take eighteen years of education, all of which I didn't notice, and tack it on??

We don't have a land-line phone to track down my cell, which is too bad: I think my wallet is with the phone and my watch.

MEG: Are you sure you were dreaming, or were you doing your chores in your sleep? THAT is the question.

BARBARA: The thing about jerking awake ten or twelve times during a meeting is that it's not a restful sleep.

And don't even mention computer time, either where it comes from or where it goes.

Marie Jarrell said...

The Wachowski brothers had it right. When you see the same cat pass the same doorway the exact same way the second time, just go with it. Pretend you didn't see it. Works for me.

kara said...

hmmm, the only way to discover if you were actually asleep is to remember if you were awake and in high school with no clothes on on your way to a test you didn't study for.

Kim Ayres said...

There is actually a way to tell if you're dreaming - if you remember to do it - and that's to try and read the same sentence twice. When asleep you can't do it - it changes every time.

Charlie said...

MARIE: The same cat the same way twice. Got it.

KIM: The same sentence the same way twice. Got it.

KARA: I'm pretty sure I was awake every time I took an unstudied test nekkid. If I'd been asleep those would have been nightmares.

Furthermore, the only dreams I have about tests are the ones that determine whether or not I'm good enough for the circus.

Mary Witzl said...

God -- I've just noticed that Kara and I actually have the same nightmare! How spooky!

And I'll tell you what else is pretty weird: you and I both blogged about sleep disturbances, at pretty much the same time! Is that Twilight Zone or what?

Jimmy Bastard said...

There is a lot of logic in your last statement, and the more you delve into your own mind the more you begin to believe it's true.

Thought provoking indeed.

Charlie said...

MARY: Yes, I did notice, but at least I don't have vampire 'skeeters.

It's funny (or perhaps tragic), but I never saw any naked girls at school, and the gods know I tried.

JB: Thanks for returning the visit and the connect link. I have a lot more reading to do on your blog, and maybe you'll find something of interest on mine now and then.