Saturday, November 07, 2009

Happy Birthday to Martha

"Maxine"


Today is Martha's birthday.

She is fifty-six, but she still looks like the girl I married thirty-five years ago.

She disagrees.

"Do you think I look like Maxine?" she asked, and I'm pretty sure she was serious.

"Of course not," I said. And I was serious. She smiled.

But you know me and my hoof-in-mouth disease. "You've got the crabby part down cold, though," I added, one of those truths that is best left unsaid.

Smile disappeared. And she's been crabby ever since.

That 55-gallon drum of "Oil of Gulag" vanishing cream I ordered from Jimmy B. hasn't arrived yet.

Perhaps duct tape would work better for hoof-in-mouth.

But no worries.

Tonight, when I sneak up on her in bed and give my birthday girl one of my excellent back rubs, she'll start purring.

And then tell me to go screw myself.

15 comments:

Pat said...

Happy Birthday Martha!
Men! Don't you just love 'em?

Fay's Too said...

Oh My Universe!!! Perhaps Martha doesn't read your blog and you'll live to write again. Funny man.

Kim Ayres said...

Happy Birthday to Martha! Treat that woman with respect. Make sure you raise your glass to her when you're getting drunk with your pals in the pub tonight!

Stinkypaw said...

All the best to the Mrs!

If she's anything like Maxine, as you sneak up in her bed she'll tell you: "Why don't you slip into something more comfortable... like a coma" ;-)

Wandering Coyote said...

Happy birthday to Martha! Please pass on my best wishes!

Mary Witzl said...

Happy Birthday to Martha! Good thing you guys aren't allergic to each other.

And Martha, if you're reading this, congratulations on another birthday lived through and what a shame we can't get together sometime for a quiet whine about men. (Oops -- Charlie isn't still there, is he?)

St Jude said...

A belated happy birthday to Martha, and I hope she enjoyed her back rub.

Peter S. said...

Hi, Charlie! Send my birthday greetings to your wife!

Jimmy Bastard said...

A Happy Birthday indeed to your special lady, and many more besides.

Tiffin said...

Many happy returns, Martha! Hope your day is splendid.

Charlie, I married a Scorpio too...hooray for passionate, unpredictable, zany Scorpios!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Happy birthday to the lovely Martha. And kudos to the cutest couple around!

Kevin Musgrove said...

And another belated happy birthday to the lady!

savannah said...

and yet another belated hapy birthday wish for your fine bride, Miss Martha! and here's to you, sugar, that perhaps y'all are enjoying the warm glow of married life! (and not still suffering from foot in mouth disease!) xoxoxoxo ;~D

Robert the Skeptic said...

I have yet to meet a woman who didn't completely love having a back rub.

kara said...

i likes her.