Saturday, October 29, 2011

A Muse Less

My Muse has packed up her inspirations and left me. Blanche returned to ancient mythological Greece where she rightly belongs, but not before helping this amateur writer write openly, honestly—and sometimes powerfully—about his life.

My life story isn't finished yet, and there is a lot of back-story left to tell. But Blanche and I realized that those stories will not be written. Oh, the ideas are there, and the passion is there— along with the brain fog.

Brain fog, caused by all the drugs I take. The doctors' took an oath to keep me alive and they're doing that. It oftentimes requires strong medicines to keep the machine functioning, but at a high cost: strong side effects. I accept the effects, even though they contend for available brain cell receptors in order to work.

And so I have a faulty memory that plays tricks on me, that makes me dizzy enough to pass out, that makes all things familiar appear to be from Never-Never Land, that causes confusion and forgetfulness—how the hell am I to write anything of substance amongst chaos?

So thank you, Blanche, for being here for me, and along with Rhonda T., making this book almost a reality. I hope you find a nice marble statue to reside in or, better yet, you're somewhere in place and time inspiring someone else to write the best they can.

* * *

Disambiguation, Oct. 31, 2011: Judging from the first few comments, I need to make it clear that Soul Songs will NOT be published in book form because my collaborator, a graphic designer who did wonderful layouts, photos, fonts, and pull-quotes, abandoned the project when we were 90% complete. The book has long since been dismantled (as well as the idea of publishing it), and the essays posted on this blog—most of them rewritten for the better.

I apologize if my brain fog is contagious.


Kim Ayres said...

Any chance of converting Soul Songs into an ebook for Kindles?

TechnoBabe said...

Nice title and picture for the book. I look forward to reading it when you finish.

hope said...

Everyone deserves a break.

Personally, I think you can do without a Muse...but don't tell yours I said that. (Southern girls are raised to not hurt anyone's feelings on purpose). You just keep a place to write paragraphs in moments of clarity.

To be honest, you're one of the most interesting, honest and funny souls I've never met. With or without the brain fog.

Lizzie said...

Brain fog happens to the best of us. :) I've painted some of my most favourite paintings on strong painkillers! I love the title, and the book looks great - I look forward to a good read!

Macy said...

Tell your doctors to get their arses into gear and find better drugs.
We want that book finished and more blog entries and we're not going to go away anytime soon.
Hang on in there Charlie

Linda Koons said...

Whaddya mean "almost a reality"? The version I read was pretty real. It's in my LT catalog and everything. And now it has cover art.

Murr Brewster said...

Pretty coherent for a foggy guy, I'd say.

fay said...

Damn, damn. Who is Blanche? Was she a four-legged muse? I ask becaue that's my furry angel's name. Named because she is black (I know) and was adopted on this day, my father Paul Blanchard's birthday.
Can't we have someone else do layout on your book. Someone who. . . say is about to get fired for writing a non Baptist blog and who hasn't been to her real job for weeks due to depression? I mean really! Would we let a Shakespeare play rot in a corner? Would we waste Wordsworth (say that three times fast). Would we twiddle Twain away? I think not.
Is it a matter of being muse less? Shall I prance around neked on all fours. (I think, actually, that is a threat)
Look, buddy, send me the goods and I'll get them together at least for your loyal fans and worshippers. Probably 257,322 copies would do to start.
I serious. You have my email, right? I think you do. Use it.
Martha, I mean it!

fay said...

Oh, yeah, and I meant to say something about brain fog, but.. . you know. I get used to it. Well, maybe I don't, I'm not sure. Can't remember. I've taken on the persona of that "rather eccentric old lady, harmless really." But in my head I'm still that dangerous chick with the Einstein brain and Marylin Monroe body. . .NOT the other way 'round.
Listen Dude, next to me you're the best essayist I know, so don't you dare not finish that book.
(Don't you make me go all Erika Cain on your ass)

Pat said...

I go away for a week and you post lots.
We know about brain fog; MTL from all the stuff he takes and me - just because.
There's no hint of it in your writing but then I suspect you have a pretty big brain to start with.xox

fay said...

Oh, duh, Fay. Brain fog, you say?
And yes, AAA batteries. Not car batteries! And it's flashlights I tell you. Flashlights.
Beware, you're chapter seven!

barbara said...

The least you could have done was buy Blanche a train ticket to my place. I could use a good brain fog battling muse!

Attila the Mom said...

And here all this time, I thought Nora Roberts was your muse!

Cyndi Calhoun said...

Professor Worm! It's been awhile...I had another blog, "Brushes, Leaves and Cloth" that you were so generously following. In any case, I stopped for awhile only to come out with three more blogs, because I can't stay away from writing, dang it.
But I'm SO GLAD to see you posting. I'm rootin' for ya. You're awesome, inspirational and whatever you do, KEEP THOSE POSTS COMING!!
The world needs you!

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