Friday, August 13, 2010

I'm Gonna Be Rich!

I just received this email at 7:30 p.m. and I'm beside myself with joyfulness! Imagine Mrs. Faiza, a good Christian woman who has a ton of fucking problems, choosing ME to receive Two Million Great Britain Pound Sterling! I'll let ALL of you know the minute I get the check in the mail—maybe as soon as next week before she kicks the bucket from the stroke she's having.

Boy oh boy oh boy—I can hardly wait—I'm gonna get a whole shitload of these!!!

23, Hawley Crescent,
Camden Town, London,
NW1 8NP, England.

Dear Beloved,

Here writes Mrs. Ghayth Faiza, suffering from cancerous ailment. I am
married to Watson Ghayth an Arabian who is dead. My husband was into
private practice all his life before his death. Our life together as man
and wife lasted for three decades without a child. My husband died after a
protracted illness. My husband and I made a vow to uplift the down-trodden
and the less-privileged individuals as he had passion for persons who can
not help themselves due to physical disability or financial predicament. I
can adduce this to the fact that he needed a Child from this relationship,
which never came.

When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of Two Million Great Britain Pound Sterling which were derived from his vast estates and
investment in capital market with his bank here in UK. Presently, this
money is still with the Bank. Recently, my Doctor told me that I have
limited days to live due to the cancerous problems I am suffering from.

Though what bothers me most is the stroke that I have in addition to the
cancer. With this hard reality that has befallen my family and I, I have
decided to donate this fund to you and want you to use this gift which
comes from my husbands effort to fund the upkeep of widows, widowers,
orphans, destitute, the down-trodden, physically challenged children,
barren-women and persons who prove to be genuinely handicapped

It is often said that blessed is the hand that giveth. I took this
decision because I do not have any child that will inherit this money and
my husband's relatives are bourgeois and very wealthy persons and I do not want my husband's hard earned money to be misused or invested into ill perceived ventures. I do not want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly manner, hence the reason for taking this bold decision. I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I know that I am going to be with the Almighty when I eventually pass on.

The Almighty will fight my case and I shall hold my peace. I do not need
any telephone communication in this regard due to my deteriorating health
and because of the presence of my husband's relatives around me, I do not
want them to know about this development. With God all things are
possible. As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of
the Bank in UK. I will also issue you a Letter of Authority that will
empower you as the original beneficiary of this fund. My happiness is that
I lived a life worthy of emulation. Please always be prayerful all through
your life.

Please assure me that you will act just as I have stated herein. Hope to
hear from you soon and God bless you and members of your family.

Reply to my mail through my email address: [I deleted it because I ain't sharin'.]

Yours Faithfully in Christ,

Mrs. Ghayth Faiza.


Robert the Skeptic said...

Hey Charlie, what luck! I am soon to receive $187 million Chinese Yuan... just as soon as I wire my $25k escrow deposit to the bank in Singapore. You and I will then be rolling in dough. Then I can afford to have my new Russian bride fly over - the three of us should go out and buy a restaurant some evening.

Any day now...

Michael Lockridge said...

Ah, the generosity of strangers. The Internet is indeed A Streetcar Named Desire.

Kim Ayres said...

I'd be suspicious - I've never seen a black one pound coin before - they ought to be a yellowish, brassy colour...

mapstew said...

My Dearest Charles,

I, the Mapstew, am 'Genuinely Handicapped Financially' and pray (ahem!) that you will think of me when you come into your vast estate! Yes, I will even take the Pound British Stirling, whatever colour it may be! :¬)


Elisabeth said...

Do you know anyone yet who has responded to one of these generous offers? I'm gobsmacked whenever one arrives on my doorstep - at least weekly.

There must be some soul seduced by the promise, otherwise why send?

It's good to read that others are visited by such generosity as well.

hope said...

I wonder if she knows my new friend from Iraq, who wants me to aid him, an architect, in rebuilding his country?

And Nigeria thought they had the market cornered. ;)

laytonwoman3rd said...

I'm really put out now, that you didn't wire me that measly $1,000.00 I asked for last week when I was robbed at gunpoint in London (surely you GOT that e-mail from "me"? Everybody else I know did.)

DJan said...

I read somewhere that the reason these continue to proliferate is that there are gullible people who do send them money. I got one the other day from a friend who is in jail in Alaska. Unfortunately for him, I deleted the email after marking it as "junk."

TechnoBabe said...

Well we know you will share with all your loving followers when you receive this vast fortune. Although in my eyes you are already rich.

Wandering Coyote said...

Good God.

But I nearly spit out my coffee this morning when I read this line "I am
married to Watson Ghayth an Arabian who is dead." LOL!!!!!!!!

Warden Files said...

Crikey, what a crock of (rhymes with pit)

Eryl Shields said...

How lovely to be chosen by such a nice lady.

Tiffin said...

Well, Charlie, when Prince Botolazu Gwanwityobadself sends me his country's entire assets to hold for him, using the interest as the payment for my trouble, you and I should be set. Or at least he would have if I had sent him $20,000 American. I couldn't come up with it because that's a million and a half Canadian. Well, anyway, glad one of us is ok.

Fay's Too said...

That lying, two-timing BITCH! She promised me I was the one she was going to send her fortune to.
I'm crushed!

KleinsteMotte said...

Can she trust the post?? Wonder why these things get through to the inbox?? Black gold? Love reading your stuff!

Pat said...

So very fortunate that you are not bourgeois.

Trina S. said...

wow, how kind of her! She must be an extra special woman to be so kind to give! WOW and I thought there where no nice people out there anymore! I am so glad my faith in society has been restored!!!!

Maybe I should not be so cynical towards people!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I wonder if she knows that son of a Nigerian bankerman? I am sure you will use the money in a godly manner.

lisleman said...

Those British bastards, I got this email telling a vast fortune in oil awaits me. I go through all the steps and find out the oil is mine to keep if I can get it out of the Gulf of Mexico.
Charlie do you know anything about skimmer boats??

Unknown Mami said...

You are one lucky sucker!

Syd said...

I get these about 3 times a week. And my finger is poised over the delete button for a nanosecond as soon as I read the Dear Beloved, or Dearest salutation. The Nigerian scam has expanded. And plus, if you don't moderate your comments, we get to see all those Japanese partially naked ladies that keep getting posted.

The Good Cook said...

What a nice lady. Perhaps she will send me a letter before she strokes out.

Deanna Schrayer said...

What is the freaking deal with these oh-so-generous people of late? I've gotten a ridiculous amount of these over the past month. Maybe I oughta pay attention and plan what to do with my riches like you, instead of reporting them all...