Monday, August 31, 2009

The New Bathroom

I have a LibraryThing friend, Tiffin, who also stops by here to read my nonsense and make comments on the aforementioned. She claims to live in North Cowpat, Ontario, but I’m not so sure: if I remember my fourth-grade geography, there is only a Southeast Cowpat, Ontario. I suppose I could look it up on the Innertubes, but you know the debilitating problem I have with sloth.

My slothfulness aside, Tiffin is an avid reader, gardener and, this summer, bathroom renovator. Its been a long, dusty, and dirty project, she says, and the new plumbing was a real backbreaker.

Then, just this morning, she sent me the first in-progress photo:


Nice, huh? I assume that is Mr. Tiffin testing the plumbing, but it isn't in my nature to pry. I especially like the faux-antique paint job and the stall on the left for little people.

I don’t know what the plans are for a sink and a shower but hey, this isn’t my project. I personally use the Peckerhead Method of Construction: I slap something together and once it’s completely fucked up, I read the instructions and try to un-fuck it.

But Tiffin is an intelligent woman, and I wish her good luck for the remainder of the renovation. (I also hope she has a sense of humor until it's finished.)


Welcome, Dr. Strangelove!

27 comments:

Tiffin said...

actually, Perfesser, you aren't far off and it may get to the point where I'll wish I had one of those at the end of the acreage. I'll send you an email photo to prove it. Fortunately I don't have to do the slug and swear part; Himself is handling that. Everything he builds is held together with lots of glue, screws and cuss words, an indestructible combination. I just had to do the design and purchase part. And take things back and exchange them. Several times. We're that rare breed: the couple who does things themselves and manages to stay married, although it does skirt the borders of the Dangerous Zone at times. Thanks for the pick-me-up, chum!

Charlie said...

Ah-HAH! Mr. Tiffin is also a subscriber to the Peckerhead Method of Construction!

Better hurry before the ground freezes up there.

Mary Witzl said...

Say what you will, that is a first class outhouse. I wouldn't go near it in February, though -- that's for sure.

Shellie (Layers of Thought) said...

Okay folks there should be a law against a post this funny...what a great chuckle I had, even the comments. LOL...

St Jude said...

Have you people never heard of doors, here I am just passing by as I'm eating my porridge for breakfast and, and well really. And where may I ask is Mr Tiffin going to wash his hands? Hmmm.

laytonwoman3rd said...

You beat everything, you know that? I thought tiffin's own descriptions of what she calls the "reno" were funny, but you've got me wishing I could tear out a few walls and pipes myself.

Meg said...

I like your Peckerhead Method of Construction. My dad's like that. He always takes something apart and after putting it back together discovers he has "extra" parts.

Wandering Coyote said...

"North Cowpat" Ontario = HILARIOUS!!!

Charlie said...

MARY: You can use the facilities at the gas station down the street during February.

SHELLIE: From the Broadway show, Gypsy: "Let me entertain you, let me make you smile ..."

SAINT: Have you forgotten that Canada and the U.S. are still the colonies? We neither use doors nor wash like the bluebloods of England. (And we drink tea out of styrofoam cups, too.)

LINDA: So what's stopping you from tearing out some walls and pipes? Better tell Mr. Linda first, though, so he doesn't have a nasty accident in the middle of the night.

MEG: The Car Guys on NPR claim they've torn apart enough Volkswagons to build a brand-new one from the leftover parts.

WC: There IS no North Cowpat. I checked. And you should know that from living in Ontario. Now, if you're talking about Southeast Cowpat ...

Wandering Coyote said...

I assume it's all Toronto anyway.

Kevin Musgrove said...

Is it a very long walk down to there? As a general rule, if the walk's longer than a candle I'll hold my water.

Charlie said...

WC: No comment on your comment.

KEVIN: I believe that, for a three-seater, it should be a long walk. But you also need to factor in the size, composition, and burn time, computed in hours and minutes, of the candle. A "torch" might be a better choice, but then battery life would have to be factored ...

Hell, just hold your water.

Wandering Coyote said...

Charlie: LOL!

Robert the Skeptic said...

Being more of a "city boy", and preferring the sleek clean lines of European design, this would be MY choice for a public pot:

http://www.chuggnutt.com/2005/03/02/glass_toilet.html

kara said...

is that what they call "shabby chic"? because i do not approve.

Tiffin said...

Wandering Coyote: you know when you have a beautiful apple, creation's work of perfection, and you turn it around to find an ugly bruise or worse, a worm hanging out the side? THAT'S Toronto. The rest of Ontario is the apple. We pronounce it "Trawna" here, to give it the proper degree of rural disrespect. But we all go there because that's where the Ikea stores are. *sigh*

Waving from North Cowpat!

Wandering Coyote said...

Tiffin: I lived in Ottawa for 7 really fucking LONG years...Trust me, the wormy, bruised part of the apple extends way up there, too. I HATED the place!

*waving from beautiful British Columbia*

St Jude said...

Charlie, NO, styrofoam cups, next you'll be telling me you use tea bags.

No doors, giddy aunt you must be very trusting souls.. and very well acquainted.

Charlie said...

WC: I'm always happy to hear someone LOL. BTW, back in the days when the airline industry called flight attendants "stewardesses," LOL was a code word for Little Old Lady. It was not meant to be disrespectful, but rather to alert the on-board crew that an elderly person needed assistance.

Uh, what the hell does this have to do with Tiffin's bathroom?

ROBERT: Huh. Glass public toilets. I believe there is a moral here: "He who pees in glass potties should not throw stones." Didn't we learn that in Catholic school?

KARA: I suspect you'll change your mind if you have to go bad enough.

TIFFIN & WC: Carry on, ladies.

ST JUDE: You're much too young for a heart murmur but yes, many of us DO use teabags. Many of us don't use milk or five sugars, either.

I can hear you shaking your head with disgust.

The good news is that we do use doors on the facilities. I suspect Mr. Tiffin hasn't gotten around to that phase yet because hanging doors is tricky business.

Tiffin said...

Charlie, I actually don't mind Toronto to visit and play in at all. Good restaurants, the Art Gallery is excellent, good music flies in, all that big city stuff. It's just fashionable to trash it. Actually lived there after grad school, before children.

I'd use the glass loo if I were desperate enough. I could leave all my post-modern angst there.

Charlie said...

I grew up on the opposite shore of Lake Ontario in Rochester, NY. I've been to Toronto many times and found it to be just another big city.

We (my family) used to drive up for the CNE. I have to admit that I saw a lot of odd-looking people, but I'm pretty sure you weren't one of them.

Since I'm odd-looking, however, I fit right in.

PI said...

What bliss to be able to sit and stare into the distance. I believed you until I started to read the comments. Must be less gullible.
So Charlie you'll be Canadian then - a step closer to Brits. Oh sudden thought - has my Geography let me down ? I dropped it in the upper thirds.

Tiffin said...

Professeur, we are at the drywalling around the new tub location stage. Concrete drywall. Miserable stuff, actually. Heavier than Sisyphus's rock when you are trying to hold it up. Himself decided to cut out a "convenient" hole for a shelf for his razor which was not in The Design. Archaeologists of the future, when they deconstruct this bathroom, will wonder why two perfectly good sheets of concrete drywall had a large square cut out and then pieced back in. If marriage is still in vogue in 3,000 A.D., all they will have to do is ask any married man for the explanation.

Tiffin said...

p.s. there always were odd looking people at the CNE. I don't know why. Free food samples, perhaps?

Charlie said...

PAT: Sometimes British and American humor gets lost in translation—especially when I write a humor piece that purportedly sounds real. It has nothing to do with gullibility.

I am indeed American, but it's difficult to tell from the blogs on my sideboard: 5 Canadians and 6 from the U.K.

TIFFIN: My god, woman, concrete drywall—I thought that was only used in commerical building projects to baffle sound.

I suspect that, before long, Himself won't be needing a special shelf for his razor because you'll be using it on his jugular vein. Has he never heard of a medicine cabinet?

I'm thrilled to know that I wasn't the only odd-looking person at the CNE. Is it not held any longer?

Tiffin said...

Charlie, after having had water problems around our old shower, Himself isn't taking any chances. Concrete drywall it is! And the rest is green board. It will all detach from the house and form an ark for the next Flood.

The CNE is still running but once was enough for me. More than enough, actually.

Tiffin said...

p.s. I feel like this must be boring everyone to tears.